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Real Men Of the City in the Sun

October 31, 2017 Leave a comment

Heavy lurden

Like a bag of sand on my shoulders, I have struggled my whole life with this burden. From an innocent introduction to sexual activity by a family friend (more like preditor) at a tender age of 3, I have fought the thoughts for over 30years now. Now living in London away from my parents, friends and the life I built in Kenya, I reminise the hope that God brought to my life.

I give God all glory that I have never cracked and become a lunatic. A Throwback moment :- The exposure to sex when a toddler meant that I thought sex was a game. Oh! how I was wrong! I remember when I was first caught by my teacher at around 5years of age, trying to fondle a classmate! I know, crazy, scary! Wow, the beating I got… you know, the kind that is so severe, a$$whooping that sends you to hell and back. You know, the kind that, your held facedown below the sink, receiving lightning spike-like beatings that vapourise your rear from the wrath of an angry parent. I quickly learnt that sex is a taboo, never to be thought or spoken about under my parents’ roof.

In comes my male man cave.. which I went into for many years to hide my burden. It was quickly triggered and escalated to relentless watching of sensual movies and videos, to soft prn, to hardcore VHS tapes masquerading as Tom & Jerry films, to doors of filth on the internet I regret ever opening and eventually prostitution. Chronicles of my life are filled with intense lonely battles from 14 year until I got the courage to speak up and find help when I turned 26.

Hope in the midst of darkness

In 2009, I found a band of brothers, 7 highly valued brothers, during my time in Mavuno church, in the same boat as I was, willing to each other to conquer this beast. Tough love, is exactly what I got and what we all needed and I found it through the iStopped group dubbed “G7”. In 2012 it simple became a group of born-again men, who I have walked with for the last 5 years through my recovery journey.  I learnt that accountability starts with me. If you are patient to walk with someone for a couple of months, you will see the difference.

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We initially met every week on a Tuesday night for a year, and went through a book recommended by the Man @PastorSimonMbevi, “Every man’s battle”. It was liberating, a true hidden treasure worth experiencing; We now meet every first Friday of the month now in South C/ N.West from 6.30am – 9.30am, to hold each other accountable and men have really been transformed. I have seen men moving from additive behaviour that used to lead them to red-light streets, cheating, now into rich, healthy, marriages free of sexual bondage. Wives and spouses, including mine played a great role in supporting the men, holding them accountable at home and joinly praying that this wolf does not affect their relationships.

These sessions works, you have to be honest with yourself and the men and mark up courage to confront your problem, surrendering them all to God. It is written “Confess your sins one unto another so that you may be healed”. Jesus showed me his love throught the men, while maintaining a gentleman’s pact of highest level of confidentiality of matters discussed every week.

Art of war

The battle plan we have been using is simple. It is based on the book “Every man’s battle” i.e. you have to allow God to fight through your;

  1. Eyes ; (Job 31:1 – I make a covenant with my eyes not to look at any woman lustfully);
  2. Mind; (2 Corinthians 10:5 – Hold all thoughts captive under the obedience of Christ Jesus, 1 Corinthians10:13 – No temptation is unique to man, others have gone through it and God gives you a way out. Many have overcome e.g. Joseph in Egypt, samaritan woman)
  3. Heart; (Psalms 119:9 How can a young man keep his ways pure? by hiding the word of God in his heart.) Dedicate your life to a relationship with God consistently in surrender)

If your eyes are your perimeter fence and your mind is the walls of the house, then your mind is like the panga that you put under your bed. Gen 39:9 ‘How then could I do such a wicked thing and sin against God?’  

Hats off to you all men of G7.

OUR OBJECTIVE :- You should not fight this vice alone. If you have to, only one strategy is effective 1 Cor 6:18 says ‘Flee from all forms of sexual immorality!’ We beat the devil through offense, but when it comes to sexual temptation, we must play defense!

Join us if you need help! Leave a comment or request to join the Facebook page for more details https://www.facebook.com/groups/173596679462929/?ref=group_header

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Today we want to want to focus on the men and the title of my message is ‘Real Husbands Of Nairobi’. We want to talk about real men. This sermon is not just for the men, but also for the women who love them, live with them or simply just want to understand them! The whole region was thrown in shock in July 2013 when two men from Kisauni agreed to sign a contract to marry the smae woman when they both realized they were having an affair with her. The agreement stated when each would take their shift in her house, how they would respect one another, and how if she gave birth they would both raise the child as their own. One of the men had already paid bride price for the woman but the other one agreed that he would also pay his bride price when ready…

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Between Us Guys : The Truth About Pornography [video]

April 1, 2013 2 comments

Amazing blog post. Please check it out.

Combat with porn is probably (still) the biggest issue Christian men wrestle with that no one talks about. Serious discussions about sexuality are embarrassing and uncomfortable. Too many churches are silent. And many are not proactive regarding faith-based sex education.

Lessons like this one can break the ice and be used to introduce a more comprehensive curriculum that is desperately needed in many Christian homes and churches. We can’t afford to become even more irrelevant and unconvincing in today’s rapidly changing culture.

Ref: Between Us Guys (Part 3): The Truth About Pornography .

Source: Darrell Martin and SameSexAttractions.wordpress.com

Setting boundaries is important in sexual purity

February 27, 2013 3 comments

mental muscle1What I have learned from my iStopped journey is you have to build BOUNDARIES from this. And not gray area boundaries, defined boundaries that you can be held accountable to. Titus 2:11-12 is a word that has helped me a lot to create the boundaries and by God’s grace be able to keep the boundaries.

This is what is says, 11For the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men. 12 It teaches us to say “No” to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age”

I pray that is you are reading this God will help you identify triggers to why you fall to sexual sin and create healthy boundaries for the glory of the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.

Here is an article I found online to help you through this.

WHAT IS A TRIGGER?
A trigger is something that gets your attention, pushes a button, and causes you to want to sinfully act out.

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For help with porn, lust, and masturbation you can go to http://www.porntopurity.com

Click here to listen to or download the show

WHAT TRIGGERS YOU?
Q:  What things excite you and cause you to want to act out?
Q:  What things have enticed you right before you have acted out?
Q:  Any fetishes or objects that turn you on?
Q:  Certain images or porn that you have acted out regularly with?
Q:  TV or Movies cause you more problems?
Q:  Types of clothing or ways people dress are triggery for you?
Q:  Types of conversations are triggery for you?

 

A HISTORY BEHIND YOUR TRIGGERS
Triggers are historical.

Triggers will happen regardless.

But you’re going to have to be serious about retraining your reaction to these triggers.  You have to start running away, clinging to Christ, praying, talking to someone else…something.  You have to build a habit of responding in a healthy way to triggers.

I trust this will help you develop your boundaries.

Sourced from : http://104podcast.wordpress.com/2009/09/06/episode-001-identify-the-triggers-in-your-life/

How to Communicate Your Sexual Needs to Your Spouse

February 25, 2013 Leave a comment

Reblogged from: How to Communicate Your Sexual Needs to Your Spouse.

I’ve noticed that as I get older my sex drive is tremendously increasing.  However, as my husband gets older his sex drive is quickly decreasing.  Add porn addiction to this combination and it doesn’t make for a very active sex life.

As a result of this, I’ve developed a very proactive approach to getting my needs met when my husband is not. I express my needs to my husband both physically and vocally.  Oftentimes, my husband isn’t moved by words so if I tell him what I want or what I need, it takes him hearing it multiple times to process the information and take action.

A simple conversation can get you exactly what you need if you clearly communicate those needs. I always try to make sure the timing is right before I make my needs known. Why waste your time speaking words that fall on deaf ears? During my conversation with my husband, I must make sure that I do not sound accusatory or cause any offenseI simply want him to know that I have a desire or need that needs to be met by him and only him.  No other person can fulfill those desires and needs.

When my husband hears me and then fulfills my needs there is no greater experience. I embrace the accomplishment at that moment knowing that soon thereafter, I may have to have the same conversation. I’m good with that because I know that growth and progress are taking place.

It is liberating to know that I dictate whether or not my needs are met. If they are not being met, then maybe I’m not sharing with my husband the way I should. What would it profit for me to not have those needed conversations, hold it inside and allow it to fester? NOTHING!!! I do not feeling empty. I want to be fulfilled in every way. I deserve it.

If you are not proactively getting your needs met, I would challenge you to ask yourself why that may be the case for you. What are you waiting on? Who are you waiting on? You are the only person who can fulfill your desires and needs.

I’ve always heard that conversation rules the nation. Speak up! Make your request known. Be open and honest and empowered. Be considerate and conscious of timing. Be willing to be vulnerable…and be prepared to receive fulfillment

2013: A new year, a new you.

January 8, 2013 1 comment

2013: A new year, a new you..

An small excerpt of what femalepornaddict blogged …

Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry. Because of these the wrath of God is coming. You used to walk in these ways, in the life you once lived. But now you must rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips. Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices and put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator.” Colossians 3:5-10

…. to read more please click here.

What do you see in this picture?

November 26, 2012 Leave a comment

[REBLOG from lostinporn.wordpress.com] Here’s another photo I took on my “bored walk”.  I’ve captured an essence of decay.  There are dead leaves, dead stems, a cigarette butt, dry dirt, dead plants, and there in the midst of it stands a perfect flower.  The color attracts your attention almost completely.  It doesn’t seem to fit very well.  It’s a “sight for sore eyes” in an otherwise “eyesore” of a backdrop.

It makes me think of God.

A lot of people I have talked to in the past have thought that God was not so good.  They blame Him for the holocaust, genocide, disease, for not seeing their suffering, for not answering their prayers the way they want Him to, for the threat of “hell”, etc.  But, I’ve found that in coming to understand God more fully that these critiques are based on misunderstandings.  Even in this list of terrible things can be found goodness if one is willing to take the moment to understand God’s explanation of these things.  At least that’s what I’ve found.  So, I can say with no reservation that God is good.  And He’s been good to me.  That is not to say I’ve not experienced suffering, questions, and even doubt at times.

So, what makes God so good?  Well, he is giving life right now to a world that doesn’t deserve it for one thing.  Not only that but He is spending all His energy trying to reveal His goodness to us so that we will see it.  But, how often all we see is the dismal backdrop–the death, the cigarette butts, etc.  I’ve spent a lot of time focusing my eyes on that background.  The decay seems to spill out of the canvas into the heart.  So, I’ve been choosing to try to focus on the one beautiful thing in the picture and I’m enjoying it.  Plus, it’s taking my mind off of porn in the process.  God seems to be good like that!

Video: “A pastor’s Disclosure”

November 9, 2012 7 comments
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