Archive for the ‘Pornography addiction’ Category

Real Men Of the City in the Sun

October 31, 2017 Leave a comment

Heavy lurden

Like a bag of sand on my shoulders, I have struggled my whole life with this burden. From an innocent introduction to sexual activity by a family friend (more like preditor) at a tender age of 3, I have fought the thoughts for over 30years now. Now living in London away from my parents, friends and the life I built in Kenya, I reminise the hope that God brought to my life.

I give God all glory that I have never cracked and become a lunatic. A Throwback moment :- The exposure to sex when a toddler meant that I thought sex was a game. Oh! how I was wrong! I remember when I was first caught by my teacher at around 5years of age, trying to fondle a classmate! I know, crazy, scary! Wow, the beating I got… you know, the kind that is so severe, a$$whooping that sends you to hell and back. You know, the kind that, your held facedown below the sink, receiving lightning spike-like beatings that vapourise your rear from the wrath of an angry parent. I quickly learnt that sex is a taboo, never to be thought or spoken about under my parents’ roof.

In comes my male man cave.. which I went into for many years to hide my burden. It was quickly triggered and escalated to relentless watching of sensual movies and videos, to soft prn, to hardcore VHS tapes masquerading as Tom & Jerry films, to doors of filth on the internet I regret ever opening and eventually prostitution. Chronicles of my life are filled with intense lonely battles from 14 year until I got the courage to speak up and find help when I turned 26.

Hope in the midst of darkness

In 2009, I found a band of brothers, 7 highly valued brothers, during my time in Mavuno church, in the same boat as I was, willing to each other to conquer this beast. Tough love, is exactly what I got and what we all needed and I found it through the iStopped group dubbed “G7”. In 2012 it simple became a group of born-again men, who I have walked with for the last 5 years through my recovery journey.  I learnt that accountability starts with me. If you are patient to walk with someone for a couple of months, you will see the difference.


We initially met every week on a Tuesday night for a year, and went through a book recommended by the Man @PastorSimonMbevi, “Every man’s battle”. It was liberating, a true hidden treasure worth experiencing; We now meet every first Friday of the month now in South C/ N.West from 6.30am – 9.30am, to hold each other accountable and men have really been transformed. I have seen men moving from additive behaviour that used to lead them to red-light streets, cheating, now into rich, healthy, marriages free of sexual bondage. Wives and spouses, including mine played a great role in supporting the men, holding them accountable at home and joinly praying that this wolf does not affect their relationships.

These sessions works, you have to be honest with yourself and the men and mark up courage to confront your problem, surrendering them all to God. It is written “Confess your sins one unto another so that you may be healed”. Jesus showed me his love throught the men, while maintaining a gentleman’s pact of highest level of confidentiality of matters discussed every week.

Art of war

The battle plan we have been using is simple. It is based on the book “Every man’s battle” i.e. you have to allow God to fight through your;

  1. Eyes ; (Job 31:1 – I make a covenant with my eyes not to look at any woman lustfully);
  2. Mind; (2 Corinthians 10:5 – Hold all thoughts captive under the obedience of Christ Jesus, 1 Corinthians10:13 – No temptation is unique to man, others have gone through it and God gives you a way out. Many have overcome e.g. Joseph in Egypt, samaritan woman)
  3. Heart; (Psalms 119:9 How can a young man keep his ways pure? by hiding the word of God in his heart.) Dedicate your life to a relationship with God consistently in surrender)

If your eyes are your perimeter fence and your mind is the walls of the house, then your mind is like the panga that you put under your bed. Gen 39:9 ‘How then could I do such a wicked thing and sin against God?’  

Hats off to you all men of G7.

OUR OBJECTIVE :- You should not fight this vice alone. If you have to, only one strategy is effective 1 Cor 6:18 says ‘Flee from all forms of sexual immorality!’ We beat the devil through offense, but when it comes to sexual temptation, we must play defense!

Join us if you need help! Leave a comment or request to join the Facebook page for more details



Today we want to want to focus on the men and the title of my message is ‘Real Husbands Of Nairobi’. We want to talk about real men. This sermon is not just for the men, but also for the women who love them, live with them or simply just want to understand them! The whole region was thrown in shock in July 2013 when two men from Kisauni agreed to sign a contract to marry the smae woman when they both realized they were having an affair with her. The agreement stated when each would take their shift in her house, how they would respect one another, and how if she gave birth they would both raise the child as their own. One of the men had already paid bride price for the woman but the other one agreed that he would also pay his bride price when ready…

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Between Us Guys : The Truth About Pornography [video]

April 1, 2013 2 comments

Amazing blog post. Please check it out.

Combat with porn is probably (still) the biggest issue Christian men wrestle with that no one talks about. Serious discussions about sexuality are embarrassing and uncomfortable. Too many churches are silent. And many are not proactive regarding faith-based sex education.

Lessons like this one can break the ice and be used to introduce a more comprehensive curriculum that is desperately needed in many Christian homes and churches. We can’t afford to become even more irrelevant and unconvincing in today’s rapidly changing culture.

Ref: Between Us Guys (Part 3): The Truth About Pornography .

Source: Darrell Martin and

Setting boundaries is important in sexual purity

February 27, 2013 3 comments

mental muscle1What I have learned from my iStopped journey is you have to build BOUNDARIES from this. And not gray area boundaries, defined boundaries that you can be held accountable to. Titus 2:11-12 is a word that has helped me a lot to create the boundaries and by God’s grace be able to keep the boundaries.

This is what is says, 11For the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men. 12 It teaches us to say “No” to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age”

I pray that is you are reading this God will help you identify triggers to why you fall to sexual sin and create healthy boundaries for the glory of the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.

Here is an article I found online to help you through this.

A trigger is something that gets your attention, pushes a button, and causes you to want to sinfully act out.


For help with porn, lust, and masturbation you can go to

Click here to listen to or download the show

Q:  What things excite you and cause you to want to act out?
Q:  What things have enticed you right before you have acted out?
Q:  Any fetishes or objects that turn you on?
Q:  Certain images or porn that you have acted out regularly with?
Q:  TV or Movies cause you more problems?
Q:  Types of clothing or ways people dress are triggery for you?
Q:  Types of conversations are triggery for you?


Triggers are historical.

Triggers will happen regardless.

But you’re going to have to be serious about retraining your reaction to these triggers.  You have to start running away, clinging to Christ, praying, talking to someone else…something.  You have to build a habit of responding in a healthy way to triggers.

I trust this will help you develop your boundaries.

Sourced from :

Video: “A pastor’s Disclosure”

November 9, 2012 7 comments

Interview at Venus 101.9fm

September 18, 2012 2 comments

Yesterday, I got a strange call inviting me for a radio interview on Venus , a local radio station, to speak about sexual addiction. Do you know what my 1st mental response was, ‘glory to God Almighty’. I really appreciate when I can get out there and speak about how I was able to get out of sexual addiction.

So, today I went there early in the morning, sharply dressed in my charcoal grey suit, white shirt and a red/white striped tie. I felt like busting from all the anxiety within. Mainly due to the fact that I was help up in traffic for about 40 minutes.

All in all, today went really well. I thank God almighty because he gave me the eloquence, wisdom and grace to withstand a 1 hour interview.It was good to give advice to parents, to speak about the success stories and how guys can get help out there.

So, one questions was asked and had me thinking. How do you know that you are a sexual addict? How can you evaluate yourself?

Here is a simple quiz.

If you’re wondering whether you’re hooked to sex, answer the following questions honestly:
1.  (Particularly for women:) Do you find your greatest source of emotional intimacy in Internet chat rooms?
2. Do you stare at or flirt with people other than your spouse, or fantasize about people such as actors or actresses, lingerie models, joggers on the beach, etc.?
3. Do you regularly look at pornographic magazines, movies, or websites?
4. Do you masturbate while doing any of the above?
5. Do your sexual fantasies and activities draw you away from your spouse, your family, and God?
6. Do you have a secret sex compartment that you hide from your friends and family?
7.  Have you had phone sex or an extramarital affair, or visited prostitutes, strip clubs, or sensual massage parlors?
8. Have you vowed to stop, only to give in the next time temptation arises?
9. Do you engage in sex with multiple sexual partners / the same sex?

Saying “Yes” to any questions, especially numbers 3 through 10, may indicate that sex has some power over your life. But take courage! With God’s help, you can win a resounding victory over sexual temptation!

Just comment and we will be able to help you.

Surfing for God

September 12, 2012 6 comments

Why Is A Book About Porn Addiction Called “Surfing for God”? 

Almost a century ago, G. K. Chesterton wrote that the man who knocks on the brothel door is knocking for God. If he were writing today, he might say that the man who surfs the web for porn is surfing for God. If nothing else, this truth means that sex is a signpost to God.

Maybe you’ve heard the saying that in a marriage the sexual relationship is a barometer for the relationship in general. When a husband and wife enjoy a healthy emotional, relational, and spiritual connection, most of the time good sex follows. In the same way, a man’s sexual appetite is a barometer for what’s going on inside his heart. A man’s sex drive consists of more than testosterone and the buildup of seminal fluid pressing for biological release, more than being visually stimulated and feeling aroused.

Sexual arousal is an accumulation of your experiences, deep needs, and unconscious beliefs. Your heart shares a deep connection to your body parts. The way you are sexually aroused reflects what’s happening deep in your soul. This is why the Apostle Paul wrote, “There’s more to sex than mere skin on skin. Sex is as much spiritual mystery as physical fact” (1 Cor 6:16 Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, “The two will become one flesh.”).

Want to hear more about this idea? You can get a free download of Surfing for God: Discovering the Divine Desire Beneath Sexual Struggle. Just visit

Top Tips on Dealing w/ Sexual Temptation

August 7, 2012 1 comment

Top Tips on Dealing w/ Sexual Temptation.

First a couple of essentials about temptation:

  1. Temptation comes from 3 places: The Devil, other people, and our own hearts.
  2. God does not tempt us (James 1)
  3. We cannot eliminate temptation, but we can minimize it

So if our purity goal is to rid ourselves of temptation, it’s not going to happen.  If our goal is to stop being tempted sexually, it will never happen.  We need to realign your thinking to what God’s Word teaches.

One more essential is God has created our sexuality.  We are sexual beings.  If God were to take our sexuality or our sexual desires away, we would become less than He created us to be.  Our big goal is to develop a healthy, godly sexuality.


1.  Check the nouns – These are the people, places and things we allow in your life.  Remember grade school on this one?  Are the nouns we’re hanging around healthy?  We have to dump bad people, bad places, and bad things we’ve allowed to influence us and replace them with healthy nouns.  More than anything else, this will help us minimize temptation.

2.  Sin nature is a part of it, but not all of it – We can’t blame everything on our sin nature.  We are fully responsible for my choices and the sexual actions I take.  Also, we are tempted when we place ourselves in vulnerable situations.

3.  What’s driving our struggles? (Long-Term Strategy)  – We have to think deeper when it comes to temptation.  We have needs, wounds, feelings and unmet expectations that pull at us too.  If we want to be successful internally, we need to spend time asking God to heal us on the inside.  Finding God’s healing means less vulnerabilities, less triggers, and more health.

4. Be transparent with 2 other people – Call it confession or accountability or sharing… we need to learn to talk about our temptations.  Our buddies need to be the same gender.  Sharing our struggles and temptations helps bring them out in the Light.  It is a way we walk in truth.  When we hide what we are being tempted with, we dwell in darkness, we give it power, and we give the Devil a foothold.

5.  Short-term strategies – We need short-term helps to get through tempting moments that pop up right in front of you.  You have to practice each of these to get good at them.

Bounce the eyes – Keep your eyes moving.  Look somewhere else.

Think through the drink – A great one from Alcoholics Anonymous.  What are the consequences if you go through with this?  Talk yourself out of it.  Train your mind to go there.

Surf through the urge – When we feel the pull, don’t fight it.  Temptations come.  Ride the wave into something healthy.  Ask God to help you use the temptations as springboards to righteous actions.

Run away – Get the heck out!  If you run into a sexually stimulating person, or bounce to a site on the computer, get out!  Flee.  Run.  Turn it off.  Go do something else.  Physically get your body somewhere else.


Q:  What are your best tips (short-term or long-term) for dealing with temptation?

By Jeff Fisher of

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