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Between Us Guys : The Truth About Pornography [video]

April 1, 2013 2 comments

Amazing blog post. Please check it out.

Combat with porn is probably (still) the biggest issue Christian men wrestle with that no one talks about. Serious discussions about sexuality are embarrassing and uncomfortable. Too many churches are silent. And many are not proactive regarding faith-based sex education.

Lessons like this one can break the ice and be used to introduce a more comprehensive curriculum that is desperately needed in many Christian homes and churches. We can’t afford to become even more irrelevant and unconvincing in today’s rapidly changing culture.

Ref: Between Us Guys (Part 3): The Truth About Pornography .

Source: Darrell Martin and SameSexAttractions.wordpress.com

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Setting boundaries is important in sexual purity

February 27, 2013 3 comments

mental muscle1What I have learned from my iStopped journey is you have to build BOUNDARIES from this. And not gray area boundaries, defined boundaries that you can be held accountable to. Titus 2:11-12 is a word that has helped me a lot to create the boundaries and by God’s grace be able to keep the boundaries.

This is what is says, 11For the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men. 12 It teaches us to say “No” to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age”

I pray that is you are reading this God will help you identify triggers to why you fall to sexual sin and create healthy boundaries for the glory of the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.

Here is an article I found online to help you through this.

WHAT IS A TRIGGER?
A trigger is something that gets your attention, pushes a button, and causes you to want to sinfully act out.

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For help with porn, lust, and masturbation you can go to http://www.porntopurity.com

Click here to listen to or download the show

WHAT TRIGGERS YOU?
Q:  What things excite you and cause you to want to act out?
Q:  What things have enticed you right before you have acted out?
Q:  Any fetishes or objects that turn you on?
Q:  Certain images or porn that you have acted out regularly with?
Q:  TV or Movies cause you more problems?
Q:  Types of clothing or ways people dress are triggery for you?
Q:  Types of conversations are triggery for you?

 

A HISTORY BEHIND YOUR TRIGGERS
Triggers are historical.

Triggers will happen regardless.

But you’re going to have to be serious about retraining your reaction to these triggers.  You have to start running away, clinging to Christ, praying, talking to someone else…something.  You have to build a habit of responding in a healthy way to triggers.

I trust this will help you develop your boundaries.

Sourced from : http://104podcast.wordpress.com/2009/09/06/episode-001-identify-the-triggers-in-your-life/

Video: “A pastor’s Disclosure”

November 9, 2012 7 comments

Interview at Venus 101.9fm

September 18, 2012 2 comments

Yesterday, I got a strange call inviting me for a radio interview on Venus , a local radio station, to speak about sexual addiction. Do you know what my 1st mental response was, ‘glory to God Almighty’. I really appreciate when I can get out there and speak about how I was able to get out of sexual addiction.

So, today I went there early in the morning, sharply dressed in my charcoal grey suit, white shirt and a red/white striped tie. I felt like busting from all the anxiety within. Mainly due to the fact that I was help up in traffic for about 40 minutes.

All in all, today went really well. I thank God almighty because he gave me the eloquence, wisdom and grace to withstand a 1 hour interview.It was good to give advice to parents, to speak about the success stories and how guys can get help out there.

So, one questions was asked and had me thinking. How do you know that you are a sexual addict? How can you evaluate yourself?

Here is a simple quiz.

If you’re wondering whether you’re hooked to sex, answer the following questions honestly:
1.  (Particularly for women:) Do you find your greatest source of emotional intimacy in Internet chat rooms?
2. Do you stare at or flirt with people other than your spouse, or fantasize about people such as actors or actresses, lingerie models, joggers on the beach, etc.?
3. Do you regularly look at pornographic magazines, movies, or websites?
4. Do you masturbate while doing any of the above?
5. Do your sexual fantasies and activities draw you away from your spouse, your family, and God?
6. Do you have a secret sex compartment that you hide from your friends and family?
7.  Have you had phone sex or an extramarital affair, or visited prostitutes, strip clubs, or sensual massage parlors?
8. Have you vowed to stop, only to give in the next time temptation arises?
9. Do you engage in sex with multiple sexual partners / the same sex?

Saying “Yes” to any questions, especially numbers 3 through 10, may indicate that sex has some power over your life. But take courage! With God’s help, you can win a resounding victory over sexual temptation!

Just comment and we will be able to help you.

Surfing for God

September 12, 2012 6 comments

Why Is A Book About Porn Addiction Called “Surfing for God”? 

Almost a century ago, G. K. Chesterton wrote that the man who knocks on the brothel door is knocking for God. If he were writing today, he might say that the man who surfs the web for porn is surfing for God. If nothing else, this truth means that sex is a signpost to God.

Maybe you’ve heard the saying that in a marriage the sexual relationship is a barometer for the relationship in general. When a husband and wife enjoy a healthy emotional, relational, and spiritual connection, most of the time good sex follows. In the same way, a man’s sexual appetite is a barometer for what’s going on inside his heart. A man’s sex drive consists of more than testosterone and the buildup of seminal fluid pressing for biological release, more than being visually stimulated and feeling aroused.

Sexual arousal is an accumulation of your experiences, deep needs, and unconscious beliefs. Your heart shares a deep connection to your body parts. The way you are sexually aroused reflects what’s happening deep in your soul. This is why the Apostle Paul wrote, “There’s more to sex than mere skin on skin. Sex is as much spiritual mystery as physical fact” (1 Cor 6:16 Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, “The two will become one flesh.”).

Want to hear more about this idea? You can get a free download of Surfing for God: Discovering the Divine Desire Beneath Sexual Struggle. Just visit www.nelsonfree.com/surfingforgod.

Top Tips on Dealing w/ Sexual Temptation

August 7, 2012 1 comment

Top Tips on Dealing w/ Sexual Temptation.

First a couple of essentials about temptation:

  1. Temptation comes from 3 places: The Devil, other people, and our own hearts.
  2. God does not tempt us (James 1)
  3. We cannot eliminate temptation, but we can minimize it


So if our purity goal is to rid ourselves of temptation, it’s not going to happen.  If our goal is to stop being tempted sexually, it will never happen.  We need to realign your thinking to what God’s Word teaches.

One more essential is God has created our sexuality.  We are sexual beings.  If God were to take our sexuality or our sexual desires away, we would become less than He created us to be.  Our big goal is to develop a healthy, godly sexuality.

BIG THOUGHTS AND TIPS

1.  Check the nouns – These are the people, places and things we allow in your life.  Remember grade school on this one?  Are the nouns we’re hanging around healthy?  We have to dump bad people, bad places, and bad things we’ve allowed to influence us and replace them with healthy nouns.  More than anything else, this will help us minimize temptation.

2.  Sin nature is a part of it, but not all of it – We can’t blame everything on our sin nature.  We are fully responsible for my choices and the sexual actions I take.  Also, we are tempted when we place ourselves in vulnerable situations.

3.  What’s driving our struggles? (Long-Term Strategy)  – We have to think deeper when it comes to temptation.  We have needs, wounds, feelings and unmet expectations that pull at us too.  If we want to be successful internally, we need to spend time asking God to heal us on the inside.  Finding God’s healing means less vulnerabilities, less triggers, and more health.

4. Be transparent with 2 other people – Call it confession or accountability or sharing… we need to learn to talk about our temptations.  Our buddies need to be the same gender.  Sharing our struggles and temptations helps bring them out in the Light.  It is a way we walk in truth.  When we hide what we are being tempted with, we dwell in darkness, we give it power, and we give the Devil a foothold.

5.  Short-term strategies – We need short-term helps to get through tempting moments that pop up right in front of you.  You have to practice each of these to get good at them.

Bounce the eyes – Keep your eyes moving.  Look somewhere else.

Think through the drink – A great one from Alcoholics Anonymous.  What are the consequences if you go through with this?  Talk yourself out of it.  Train your mind to go there.

Surf through the urge – When we feel the pull, don’t fight it.  Temptations come.  Ride the wave into something healthy.  Ask God to help you use the temptations as springboards to righteous actions.

Run away – Get the heck out!  If you run into a sexually stimulating person, or bounce to a site on the computer, get out!  Flee.  Run.  Turn it off.  Go do something else.  Physically get your body somewhere else.

WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS?

Q:  What are your best tips (short-term or long-term) for dealing with temptation?

By Jeff Fisher of www.porntopurity.com

Affected by a person living in sin, in addiction, in sexual sin

July 17, 2012 9 comments

Hey, you, yeah you, please comment at the end, I need feedback on this…

Some of the most common issues I have had to deal with in the past are rather extra-ordinary. I have heard these, not from the person struggling, but from the people who they go to. All together, I thank God for exposing to me the extent of hurt that sin, more specifically sexual sin causes to those around us. For example;Image

  • a wife/girlfriend of an man who confesses sexual sin,
  • a friend or a girlfriend of a guy/girl who turns up to be a homosexual,
  • a guy who finds out that the wife/girlfriend is a addicted to sex.
  • a parent who identified a child with a weird sexual habit e.g. touching another girls/boys parts or masturbating
  • a parent/guardian/teacher who catches a child practicing voyeurism (fetish of seeing people naked)
  • a spouse to a partner who is confess/ caught committing adultery/fornication

How can someone deal with such? In the bible the book of John 8:1-10, Jesus was presented with such an individual; pharisees who caught an adulterous woman in the act. They tried to trick him to confess that she deserves punishment according to the Mosaic law in the old testament. However, Jesus, our Lord and saviour who gave us grace, told them that if any of them has never sinned let him/her stone the lady.  To our shock, most of them left one by one with the oldest going first.

What a powerful way of demonstrating that in God’s eyes all of us are sinners. It doesn’t matter whether it is a lie, a sexual lustful thought or sexual sin (all are sins), God’s love and grace, as shown to the adulterous woman, is enough to forgive us. As human beings, we magnify some sins above others based on our carnal minds forgetting that God’s standard of holiness is apart from us and can only be attained through Jesus Christ’ righteousness at the cross. God’s hates the sin not the sinner, he loves you and wants you to repent (confess and turn away from sin).

1 John 1:9

If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness

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From my short experience in dealing with sexual sinners, I have learnt several things;

  1. Never condemn the person who sins. Separate the person from the sin and walk with that person to the realization of who he/she is in Christ.
  2. Come down to that individuals level and understand what lead to them acting the way they did. May be they were exposed to the behavior by someone else and didn’t know any better when it happened
  3. Learn what God standard is and leave the example, by what you watch, listen to, speak, read, stand for. Impart that same standard through the word to the person gently.
  4. Help the person come up with an action plan by themselves and help them get accountability. If you can walk with the person through it. Ownership of accountability is on both partners, not one.
  5. Pray for the person and yourself for wisdom.

I praise God that someone, Pastor Chris Gatihi, took time to walk with me and impart the word of God, God’s standard in my heart where I have hidden it to stay pure.

Psalms 119:9-11

How can a young person stay on the path of purity?
    By living according to your word.
10 I seek you with all my heart;
    do not let me stray from your commands.
11 I have hidden your word in my heart
    that I might not sin against you.

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