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Posts Tagged ‘dealing with lust’

Between Us Guys : The Truth About Pornography [video]

April 1, 2013 2 comments

Amazing blog post. Please check it out.

Combat with porn is probably (still) the biggest issue Christian men wrestle with that no one talks about. Serious discussions about sexuality are embarrassing and uncomfortable. Too many churches are silent. And many are not proactive regarding faith-based sex education.

Lessons like this one can break the ice and be used to introduce a more comprehensive curriculum that is desperately needed in many Christian homes and churches. We can’t afford to become even more irrelevant and unconvincing in today’s rapidly changing culture.

Ref: Between Us Guys (Part 3): The Truth About Pornography .

Source: Darrell Martin and SameSexAttractions.wordpress.com

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Surfing for God

September 12, 2012 6 comments

Why Is A Book About Porn Addiction Called “Surfing for God”? 

Almost a century ago, G. K. Chesterton wrote that the man who knocks on the brothel door is knocking for God. If he were writing today, he might say that the man who surfs the web for porn is surfing for God. If nothing else, this truth means that sex is a signpost to God.

Maybe you’ve heard the saying that in a marriage the sexual relationship is a barometer for the relationship in general. When a husband and wife enjoy a healthy emotional, relational, and spiritual connection, most of the time good sex follows. In the same way, a man’s sexual appetite is a barometer for what’s going on inside his heart. A man’s sex drive consists of more than testosterone and the buildup of seminal fluid pressing for biological release, more than being visually stimulated and feeling aroused.

Sexual arousal is an accumulation of your experiences, deep needs, and unconscious beliefs. Your heart shares a deep connection to your body parts. The way you are sexually aroused reflects what’s happening deep in your soul. This is why the Apostle Paul wrote, “There’s more to sex than mere skin on skin. Sex is as much spiritual mystery as physical fact” (1 Cor 6:16 Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, “The two will become one flesh.”).

Want to hear more about this idea? You can get a free download of Surfing for God: Discovering the Divine Desire Beneath Sexual Struggle. Just visit www.nelsonfree.com/surfingforgod.

Affected by a person living in sin, in addiction, in sexual sin

July 17, 2012 9 comments

Hey, you, yeah you, please comment at the end, I need feedback on this…

Some of the most common issues I have had to deal with in the past are rather extra-ordinary. I have heard these, not from the person struggling, but from the people who they go to. All together, I thank God for exposing to me the extent of hurt that sin, more specifically sexual sin causes to those around us. For example;Image

  • a wife/girlfriend of an man who confesses sexual sin,
  • a friend or a girlfriend of a guy/girl who turns up to be a homosexual,
  • a guy who finds out that the wife/girlfriend is a addicted to sex.
  • a parent who identified a child with a weird sexual habit e.g. touching another girls/boys parts or masturbating
  • a parent/guardian/teacher who catches a child practicing voyeurism (fetish of seeing people naked)
  • a spouse to a partner who is confess/ caught committing adultery/fornication

How can someone deal with such? In the bible the book of John 8:1-10, Jesus was presented with such an individual; pharisees who caught an adulterous woman in the act. They tried to trick him to confess that she deserves punishment according to the Mosaic law in the old testament. However, Jesus, our Lord and saviour who gave us grace, told them that if any of them has never sinned let him/her stone the lady.  To our shock, most of them left one by one with the oldest going first.

What a powerful way of demonstrating that in God’s eyes all of us are sinners. It doesn’t matter whether it is a lie, a sexual lustful thought or sexual sin (all are sins), God’s love and grace, as shown to the adulterous woman, is enough to forgive us. As human beings, we magnify some sins above others based on our carnal minds forgetting that God’s standard of holiness is apart from us and can only be attained through Jesus Christ’ righteousness at the cross. God’s hates the sin not the sinner, he loves you and wants you to repent (confess and turn away from sin).

1 John 1:9

If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness

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From my short experience in dealing with sexual sinners, I have learnt several things;

  1. Never condemn the person who sins. Separate the person from the sin and walk with that person to the realization of who he/she is in Christ.
  2. Come down to that individuals level and understand what lead to them acting the way they did. May be they were exposed to the behavior by someone else and didn’t know any better when it happened
  3. Learn what God standard is and leave the example, by what you watch, listen to, speak, read, stand for. Impart that same standard through the word to the person gently.
  4. Help the person come up with an action plan by themselves and help them get accountability. If you can walk with the person through it. Ownership of accountability is on both partners, not one.
  5. Pray for the person and yourself for wisdom.

I praise God that someone, Pastor Chris Gatihi, took time to walk with me and impart the word of God, God’s standard in my heart where I have hidden it to stay pure.

Psalms 119:9-11

How can a young person stay on the path of purity?
    By living according to your word.
10 I seek you with all my heart;
    do not let me stray from your commands.
11 I have hidden your word in my heart
    that I might not sin against you.

“It is better to marry than to burn with passion”—What does this mean?

March 19, 2012 7 comments

Hey readers,

I am glad to finally announce that I got married a few weeks ago and I have found it liberating in the path of sexual addiction recovery. I couldn’t help it but share that just after the wedding was over, God spoke to me in a dream and told me “it is finished”. The many years of burning in sexual desire had ended. And just like any path that ends, a challenging new beginning emerged; A high expectation from my wife for a life of bliss in marriage and love for one another sealed in God’s covenant and consummated in a joining of flesh.

So my thought ran up and down while in the honeymoon, what did God through Paul mean when he wrote 1 Corinthians 7:9. How is the flesh defeated by this great covenant of marriage? I did a bit of research and realized that God has destined me to worship him in marriage just as before with all my physical desires. See what John Piper says in his sermon-ette below.

I should say just one brief word about that infamous sentence in 1 Corinthians 7:9: “If they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.” Remember, this is addressed explicitly to men and women (v. 8). And here is the one thing I want to say about it: When a person seeks to be married, knowing that as a single he or she would “burn with passion,” it doesn’t have to mean that marriage becomes a mere channel for the sex drive. Paul would never mean that in view of Ephesians 5.

Instead when a person marries—let me simply use the man as an example—he takes his sexual desire, and he does the same thing with it that we must all do with all our physical desires if we would make them means of worship—

1) he brings it into conformity to God’s word;

2) he subordinates it to a higher pattern of love and care;

3) he transposes the music of physical pleasure into the music of spiritual worship,

4) he listens for the echoes of God’s goodness in every nerve;

5) he seeks to double his pleasure by making her joy his joy; and

6) he gives thanks to God from the bottom of his heart because he knows and he feels that he never deserved one minute of this pleasure.

Listen to the Full sermon By John Piper. © Desiring God. Website: desiringGod.org

The last pointer #6 is the one that I relate to the most, after all that I had done outside marriage to the point that God had brought me to, I know that I didn’t deserve one minute of the pleasure that us shared in marriage with my wife, but God… In his mercies and grace gave me this gift and I am eternally grateful to the King of Kings and Lord of lords. Bless your name of Lord God almighty.

So I urge you my brothers, do not burn with passion but be quick to pray for God to gift you with a spouse. Then live in eternal worship to your creator for the gift he has given you.

God bless you,

Gathungu, iStopped

Man up! You got to fight sin

January 3, 2012 1 comment

To all you who are struggling or who know someone struggling with sin, with sexual temptations, with lust, here is a challenge from one of the hit songs I listened to from the 116 clique. Leave a comment

See some of you all have bought the lie
That sex is what makes you a man
But that’s not what makes you a man
Anybody can go lay with a woman
What makes you a man is being defined
By who you say you are in Christ
If you have Christ you have all that you need
Everything you need is bound up in the resurrected Saviour

Sex is a gift from God but we’ve taken it and made it idolatry
We’ve taken it and put it in the place of God
And we worship it and so it comes out in all sorts of profane ways
And so we blame the women for what they’re wearing
And we blame the media for what they’re producing
But we never blame ourselves
For how we’ve twisted God’s gift to glorify us

Manning up is not just managing your sexual temptations
it’s not just managing your sin that’s not what it means to be a man
because you can try harder

And you can do better
and you can hang on longer

That’s not manning up
Manning up is our ability to lay down all of our effort
and all of our trying

And all of our strength

And say I trust in Jesus
I trust in his perfection

I trust in his power

I trust in his resurrection
because he’s the only one that can get me through this
and he’s the only one that can make me free

Pornography Addiction Cycle

October 7, 2011 4 comments

The “acting out” (engaging in an activity that you consciously didn’t want to engage in) usually starts out with a trigger, which is interpreted by your brain at a subconscious level, and results in a strong emotion, such as excitement. Only then do you get a thought in your conscious brain! Remember it is written  “Do not conform to the standards of the world but be transformed by the renewal of your mind” 

Think about it! In our society, most of the people hold a belief that we are primarily motivated by our thinking. This, however, is not entirely true! In fact, as much as 90% of our daily behaviors are motivated by our subconscious brains. Reliance on a higher power, for me Jesus Christ has helped me renew my subconscious mind a lot.

To make things worse, once our body begins a chemical response, it overrides our cognitive ability. Meaning, we still are aware of what is going on, but unable to make an accurate, rational evaluation of our behavior and upcoming consequences.

Immediately after the internal chemical release, our body begins to change (we will talk more about it in upcoming sections). This really is our last line of defense.

The second thought is our last chance to realize what is happening and to take emergency actions to save ourselves (we will talk a lot more about this as well).

If we were not able to break the cycle, chances are we will end up giving in, and engaging in the behavior.

After the “acting out” part is complete, our brain goes off the auto-pilot, and we are back to our normal selves. This is when we are usually able to look at the situation logically, and realize what has happened.

A common reaction to this realization is to feel intense negative emotions, such as guilt and self-hatred. This approach, however, only strengthens our addiction. It keeps us from taking constructive action.

Remember, we do bad things, but we are not bad people!

Did you notice that I skipped one of the items on the list – vulnerable time? Mark Kastleman, founder of Candeo Can, came up with an acronym BLASTed, which stands for: Bored, Burned Out, Lonely, Anxious, Afraid, Angry, Stressed, and Tired.

Another acronym that is commonly used in the 12 steps community is HALT: Hungry, Angry, Lonely, and Tired.

During the vulnerable times, our conscious brain loses the ability to see things clearly. That is when our subconscious brain is more likely to take over. And we already know where this is going to take us.

You can avoid vulnerable times by beginning to take good care of yourself. Simple things like getting reading the word of God, praying, plenty of sleep, eating properly, drinking enough water, and journaling to de-clutter your brain can go a long way. In the future, we are going to talk a lot more about things that you can do to bring about peace and calmness into your life.

via Pornography Addiction Cycle.

Encouragement prayer – a 5 year old

September 14, 2011 Leave a comment

Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. Matthew 18:4

Here is are some videos that really uplifted me spiritually.

Dealing with lust of the flesh.

John Piper speaking about the life and passion of Saint Augustine fighting his failures in lust and killing his sin not by his own strength but with the word of God, and the sheer beauty and joy of knowing Christ.

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