Posts Tagged ‘pornography addiction’

Between Us Guys : The Truth About Pornography [video]

April 1, 2013 2 comments

Amazing blog post. Please check it out.

Combat with porn is probably (still) the biggest issue Christian men wrestle with that no one talks about. Serious discussions about sexuality are embarrassing and uncomfortable. Too many churches are silent. And many are not proactive regarding faith-based sex education.

Lessons like this one can break the ice and be used to introduce a more comprehensive curriculum that is desperately needed in many Christian homes and churches. We can’t afford to become even more irrelevant and unconvincing in today’s rapidly changing culture.

Ref: Between Us Guys (Part 3): The Truth About Pornography .

Source: Darrell Martin and


Alive to God

December 23, 2011 Leave a comment

A great post from the link Alive to God.

11 In the same way, count yourselves dead to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus. 12 Therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal body so that you obey its evil desires. 13 Do not offer any part of yourself to sin as an instrument of wickedness, but rather offer yourselves to God as those who have been brought from death to life; and offer every part of yourself to him as an instrument of righteousness.14 For sin shall no longer be your master, because you are not under the law, but under grace.

Some things that speak to me from these verses: God wants us to offer EVERY part of ourselves; instead of offering ourselves to sin, the second half of the verse reveals that instead, we should offer ourselves to God, like thos who have been brought from death to life. The final verse in this “chunk” is also written in a statement-like way, sin shall no longer be our master, because we are under grace.

Slaves to Righteousness

 15 What then? Shall we sin because we are not under the law but under grace? By no means! 16 Don’t you know that when you offer yourselves to someone as obedient slaves, you are slaves of the one you obey—whether you are slaves to sin, which leads to death, or to obedience, which leads to righteousness? 17 But thanks be to God that, though you used to be slaves to sin, you have come to obey from your heart the pattern of teaching that has now claimed your allegiance. Romans 6:11-17

My Prayer: Lord, I come to you knowing that without you I am an instrument of wickedness. May you wake up other aspects of my life and hold me up to your holiness, that I may reflect you, my Master. I pray that I become a slave to Righteousness for your glory! In Jesus name, Amen.

Pornography Addiction Cycle

October 7, 2011 4 comments

The “acting out” (engaging in an activity that you consciously didn’t want to engage in) usually starts out with a trigger, which is interpreted by your brain at a subconscious level, and results in a strong emotion, such as excitement. Only then do you get a thought in your conscious brain! Remember it is written  “Do not conform to the standards of the world but be transformed by the renewal of your mind” 

Think about it! In our society, most of the people hold a belief that we are primarily motivated by our thinking. This, however, is not entirely true! In fact, as much as 90% of our daily behaviors are motivated by our subconscious brains. Reliance on a higher power, for me Jesus Christ has helped me renew my subconscious mind a lot.

To make things worse, once our body begins a chemical response, it overrides our cognitive ability. Meaning, we still are aware of what is going on, but unable to make an accurate, rational evaluation of our behavior and upcoming consequences.

Immediately after the internal chemical release, our body begins to change (we will talk more about it in upcoming sections). This really is our last line of defense.

The second thought is our last chance to realize what is happening and to take emergency actions to save ourselves (we will talk a lot more about this as well).

If we were not able to break the cycle, chances are we will end up giving in, and engaging in the behavior.

After the “acting out” part is complete, our brain goes off the auto-pilot, and we are back to our normal selves. This is when we are usually able to look at the situation logically, and realize what has happened.

A common reaction to this realization is to feel intense negative emotions, such as guilt and self-hatred. This approach, however, only strengthens our addiction. It keeps us from taking constructive action.

Remember, we do bad things, but we are not bad people!

Did you notice that I skipped one of the items on the list – vulnerable time? Mark Kastleman, founder of Candeo Can, came up with an acronym BLASTed, which stands for: Bored, Burned Out, Lonely, Anxious, Afraid, Angry, Stressed, and Tired.

Another acronym that is commonly used in the 12 steps community is HALT: Hungry, Angry, Lonely, and Tired.

During the vulnerable times, our conscious brain loses the ability to see things clearly. That is when our subconscious brain is more likely to take over. And we already know where this is going to take us.

You can avoid vulnerable times by beginning to take good care of yourself. Simple things like getting reading the word of God, praying, plenty of sleep, eating properly, drinking enough water, and journaling to de-clutter your brain can go a long way. In the future, we are going to talk a lot more about things that you can do to bring about peace and calmness into your life.

via Pornography Addiction Cycle.

Oh How He Loves Us – Teens

July 13, 2011 2 comments

Oh How He Loves Us – Teens.

I was recently sharing with a friend about my struggles with pornography and she asked me a pretty basic question but it rocked me. She asked, “What is the biggest lesson you have learned since starting on this healing journey?” It took me a while to really pinpoint anything I have learned because it has been so easy for me to be blinded by the here and now and the fact that I still struggle. It is easier to look at my shortcomings and the fact that I continue to fall rather than what God is doing through my shortcomings and how He is redeeming it.

A little while later, I was talking to another friend about my struggle with self-worth that I have had ever since I can remember and how I have always tried to earn God’s love. Through this conversation, I learned the answer to the first question. The biggest lesson God has taught me through this all is that He loves me no matter what, even on the really crummy days. I can honestly say that I believe this. Yes, there are times that I can doubt it but I ultimately know that He loves me. This realization encouraged me so much and I had a new appreciation for this road I have been on over the last year and a half. God does not waste a hurt or a struggle and He is always there to provide a way out. Now, it is up to us to choose His way out but often times it is hard.

I have struggled for so long truly believing God loves, forgives and forgets but it has been through this painful, ugly process of my addiction that I have learned and started to believe the truth. This is fascinating to me as this is part of the reason my addiction started; I was searching for love and acceptance but in a very wrong way! One of my favorite scriptures is Jeremiah 31:3,
“…I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with loving-kindness”.

No matter what you have done or where you are at, God is lovingly and passionately pursuing you. He knows what is best for you and will do anything it takes to get you back. There is only so much hiding that can be done. Believe me, I have tried hiding from God and it does not work. He loves us too much and cares so deeply for us that He is not going to stop at anything to get to us.

Knowing and believing this has helped me on the journey toward healing. Knowing that God loves me no matter what has challenged me to stand firm and ‘just say no’. God has something so much better for me to fill my life and mind with. I have to trust that He has my best interest in heart because He loves me so much that He knows the intimate parts of me that I may not even be aware of.

I don’t know where you are on your journey but my prayer is that you would truly meditate on how much God loves you. His love is not based on what you have or haven’t done. He is a simple breath away and waiting for you. Reach out, even if you don’t feel worthy, and see what happens. I dare you. God has something so much bigger and better for you and your journey will take on a whole new meaning.


Billy Graham’s Morning Prayer

July 6, 2011 2 comments


Current Age: 90

Truth………..from a man the media has never been able to throw dirt on…..amazing. He has certainly hit the “world” on the head!

Billy Graham’s Prayer For Our Nation



‘Heavenly Father, we come before you today to ask your forgiveness and to seek your direction and guidance. We know Your Word says, ‘Woe to those who call evil good, ‘ but that is exactly what we have done. We have lost our spiritual equilibrium and reversed our values… We have exploited the poor and called it the lottery. We have rewarded laziness and called it welfare. We have killed our unborn and called it choice. We have shot abortionists and called it justifiable. We have neglected to discipline our children and called it building self esteem… We have abused power and called it politics. We have coveted our neighbor’s possessions and called it ambition. We have polluted the air with profanity and pornography and called it freedom of expression. We have ridiculed the time-honored values of our forefathers and called it enlightenment. Search us, Oh God, and know our hearts today; cleanse us from every sin and Set us free. Amen!’

With the Lord’s help, may this prayer sweep over our nation and wholeheartedly become our desire so that we again can be called ‘One nation under God!’

Think about this: If you forward this prayer to everyone on your know, in less than 30 days it might be heard by the world. ‘One Nation Under God!’


Recovering Sexual Addict – Testimonials

May 18, 2011 Leave a comment


God is really moving in this place. This week has been an amazing week so far, God has upheld me in purity and is walking with me every step of the way. The journey to recovery from self gratification and porn is difficult, but God has answered my prayers in a big way. He has used my testimony to encourage many and some have found a way out. I remember a while back praying to God to put men who will walk with me in my path to purity without judging me.

I thanks all the guys, Chris K and Chris G from Trinity Baptist Church for their constant prayer and advice, from Mavuno church; Kevin Okwako, Gathoni and Kweya for their support and encouragement, Pastor S, Pastor M, Pastor Linda & Pastor Njoroge for believing in me and pushing me forward in faith, my lifegroup Successful In Christ (S.I.C) for the prayer, love, support, encouragement…the list is long. To get to the point please see the story of one of the people who have gone through i-Stopped and started the journey of recovery.

Anonymous testimony

Hey iStopped!! You were so right about…its amazing!!! (SettingCaptiveFree has an amazing course Way of Purity – a FREE 60 days sexual addiction recovery program). There is so much I would never have been able to work through if I had tried on my own, and learning bible truths about sin and forgiveness and God’s love has been so so freeing.

I am still working through the program and enjoying it a lot and I got a mentor who gives me feedback on my questions and issues and things and its amazing..its still a process and everyday I am fighting to stay pure but for the first time its for the right reasons…

I desperately want to be a woman who lives the values in Proverbs 31. Thank you for thinking of me 🙂

James 3:17-18

But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere. Peacemakers who sow in peace reap a harvest of righteousness.

Husband Watches Porn, Should You Be Concerned?

March 28, 2011 Leave a comment

Did you know that according to Google Trends there were more searches made for “porn” in 2010, then for Love, Life, and Money combined?

Is Your Husband Addicted to Pornography?

Possibly, a more helpful approach is to avoid thinking in terms of black and white, but rather to take a closer look at what extent pornography affects your husband. In his book, “Treating Pornography Addiction” Dr. Kevin B. Skinner recommends looking at various levels of behaviors associated with pornography use.

Level 1. Mild exposure – once or twice a year, no effect on regular life.

Level 2. Pornography use does not indicate addiction – occasionally looking at pornography with increased interest.

Level 3. Signs of trouble – person looks few times a month, usually tries to avoid it, but occasionally urges get so strong that it cannot be controlled, and person gives in.

Level 4. Individual notices increased sexual fantasies, and attempts to control them, which results in stronger withdrawal symptoms.

Level 5. Pornography impacting day to day living with significant portion of the day spent thinking about pornography.

Level 6. Pornography dominates most of the day to day life, affecting work, school, and personal relationships.

Level 7. Pornography and acting out consumes most of individuals time, leaving him feeling completely out of control.

Large portion of men in modern day society fluctuate somewhere between levels 1 and 4 throughout their lives. The real danger comes when men begin to pass these levels. By the time I finally accepted that my pornography use was not healthy I was somewhere in between levels 6 and 7. By that time most men are very likely to cheat or do something illegal.

Worst Case Scenario of Pornography Addiction
Feed the right wolf wrote “One man in my recovery group provides a good example of where excessive pornography use may take a person. He progressed from regular porn, to hardcore porn, to crazy-sick porn. He started looking at dating sites and chat rooms. Eventually he met somebody online who was willing, able, and ready. When he showed up at this person’s house he found out that it was a police operation and the guy ended up doing some jail time. I believe this story illustrates really well how little our society understands the negative effects of pornography.
As of writing of this article, I am 2 years masturbation free, and I have not looked at any form of pornography in over 9 months.The only form of sexual stimulation that I receive is from interaction with my future wife, and she says that last 2 years were the best out of 6 years of our relationship.

I did not get to this point right away though. I was raised thinking that looking at pornography was a normal behavior, and literally almost everybody that I knew did it. If anything, I viewed it as a healthy alternative to cheating. By the time I was 25 I was spending up to 8 hours a day watching porn and even came close to breaking the law before I finally realized that I had a problem.

When my at the time girlfriend first approached me about my pornography use, I thought she was crazy. If it wasn’t for her pointing out my behavior, however, I probably would have never connected the dots and continued to act out until I would have ended up breaking the law. So if you do decide to approach your husband about his pornography use, be prepared to defend your position. Chances are he will not be very open minded about it at first.”

Negative Effects of Pornography Viewing

We must consider additional negative effects that excessive pornography use can have on an individual and people around him or her.

Some signs of pornography addiction include:

  1. Being emotionally distant
  2. Defaulting on commitments
  3. Decreased sexual interest towards one’s spouse
  4. Decreased interest in healthy activities
  5. Poor performance at work
  6. Difficulty concentrating

You might be interested in reading 5 Brain Chemicals in Healthy Sexual Act and How it is Different from Pornography Addiction.

5 Things You Can Do Today to Help Your Husband and Yourself

  1. Talk to him. He will never know how you feel unless you tell him. It might not be the most pleasant conversation you’ve ever had, but it must be done. Bad news never get better over time.
  2. Talk to other women who have been through what you are going through right now. Daily Strength has a strong community of women who have dealt with their partners addictions to pornography. I’ve posted more resources in the comment area below.
  3. Consider installing accountability software or internet filter on your computer. I would not recommend doing it behind your husband’s back. But you don’t have to ask his permission either. Install the software, and then inform him about that fact. He is guaranteed to be mad about it, but it might also force him to take a closer look at the extend of his behavior. Two programs that I recommend are Covenant Eyes ($10 per month) and K9 Web Filter (free).
  4. Read through the FeedTheRightWolf Recovery Course. It will help you understand pornography addiction better.
  5. Consider reading Your Sexually Addicted Spouse: How Partners Can Cope and Heal ($9 at Amazon) to help you understand how your husband’s pornography use might have caused you psychological trauma.

I wish you all of the best in your relationship and your life. Even though you might be going through tough times right now, I am confident that the bright future awaits you. Some husbands choose to work on their behaviors and get better, and some husbands do not. I encourage you to always be aware of your needs and to choose the path that would bring you happiness, whether it will be with your husband or without him.

Read more article from

%d bloggers like this: