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Real Men Of the City in the Sun

October 31, 2017 Leave a comment

Heavy lurden

Like a bag of sand on my shoulders, I have struggled my whole life with this burden. From an innocent introduction to sexual activity by a family friend (more like preditor) at a tender age of 3, I have fought the thoughts for over 30years now. Now living in London away from my parents, friends and the life I built in Kenya, I reminise the hope that God brought to my life.

I give God all glory that I have never cracked and become a lunatic. A Throwback moment :- The exposure to sex when a toddler meant that I thought sex was a game. Oh! how I was wrong! I remember when I was first caught by my teacher at around 5years of age, trying to fondle a classmate! I know, crazy, scary! Wow, the beating I got… you know, the kind that is so severe, a$$whooping that sends you to hell and back. You know, the kind that, your held facedown below the sink, receiving lightning spike-like beatings that vapourise your rear from the wrath of an angry parent. I quickly learnt that sex is a taboo, never to be thought or spoken about under my parents’ roof.

In comes my male man cave.. which I went into for many years to hide my burden. It was quickly triggered and escalated to relentless watching of sensual movies and videos, to soft prn, to hardcore VHS tapes masquerading as Tom & Jerry films, to doors of filth on the internet I regret ever opening and eventually prostitution. Chronicles of my life are filled with intense lonely battles from 14 year until I got the courage to speak up and find help when I turned 26.

Hope in the midst of darkness

In 2009, I found a band of brothers, 7 highly valued brothers, during my time in Mavuno church, in the same boat as I was, willing to each other to conquer this beast. Tough love, is exactly what I got and what we all needed and I found it through the iStopped group dubbed “G7”. In 2012 it simple became a group of born-again men, who I have walked with for the last 5 years through my recovery journey.  I learnt that accountability starts with me. If you are patient to walk with someone for a couple of months, you will see the difference.

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We initially met every week on a Tuesday night for a year, and went through a book recommended by the Man @PastorSimonMbevi, “Every man’s battle”. It was liberating, a true hidden treasure worth experiencing; We now meet every first Friday of the month now in South C/ N.West from 6.30am – 9.30am, to hold each other accountable and men have really been transformed. I have seen men moving from additive behaviour that used to lead them to red-light streets, cheating, now into rich, healthy, marriages free of sexual bondage. Wives and spouses, including mine played a great role in supporting the men, holding them accountable at home and joinly praying that this wolf does not affect their relationships.

These sessions works, you have to be honest with yourself and the men and mark up courage to confront your problem, surrendering them all to God. It is written “Confess your sins one unto another so that you may be healed”. Jesus showed me his love throught the men, while maintaining a gentleman’s pact of highest level of confidentiality of matters discussed every week.

Art of war

The battle plan we have been using is simple. It is based on the book “Every man’s battle” i.e. you have to allow God to fight through your;

  1. Eyes ; (Job 31:1 – I make a covenant with my eyes not to look at any woman lustfully);
  2. Mind; (2 Corinthians 10:5 – Hold all thoughts captive under the obedience of Christ Jesus, 1 Corinthians10:13 – No temptation is unique to man, others have gone through it and God gives you a way out. Many have overcome e.g. Joseph in Egypt, samaritan woman)
  3. Heart; (Psalms 119:9 How can a young man keep his ways pure? by hiding the word of God in his heart.) Dedicate your life to a relationship with God consistently in surrender)

If your eyes are your perimeter fence and your mind is the walls of the house, then your mind is like the panga that you put under your bed. Gen 39:9 ‘How then could I do such a wicked thing and sin against God?’  

Hats off to you all men of G7.

OUR OBJECTIVE :- You should not fight this vice alone. If you have to, only one strategy is effective 1 Cor 6:18 says ‘Flee from all forms of sexual immorality!’ We beat the devil through offense, but when it comes to sexual temptation, we must play defense!

Join us if you need help! Leave a comment or request to join the Facebook page for more details https://www.facebook.com/groups/173596679462929/?ref=group_header

Blog.Mavuno

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Today we want to want to focus on the men and the title of my message is ‘Real Husbands Of Nairobi’. We want to talk about real men. This sermon is not just for the men, but also for the women who love them, live with them or simply just want to understand them! The whole region was thrown in shock in July 2013 when two men from Kisauni agreed to sign a contract to marry the smae woman when they both realized they were having an affair with her. The agreement stated when each would take their shift in her house, how they would respect one another, and how if she gave birth they would both raise the child as their own. One of the men had already paid bride price for the woman but the other one agreed that he would also pay his bride price when ready…

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Between Us Guys : The Truth About Pornography [video]

April 1, 2013 2 comments

Amazing blog post. Please check it out.

Combat with porn is probably (still) the biggest issue Christian men wrestle with that no one talks about. Serious discussions about sexuality are embarrassing and uncomfortable. Too many churches are silent. And many are not proactive regarding faith-based sex education.

Lessons like this one can break the ice and be used to introduce a more comprehensive curriculum that is desperately needed in many Christian homes and churches. We can’t afford to become even more irrelevant and unconvincing in today’s rapidly changing culture.

Ref: Between Us Guys (Part 3): The Truth About Pornography .

Source: Darrell Martin and SameSexAttractions.wordpress.com

2013: A new year, a new you.

January 8, 2013 1 comment

2013: A new year, a new you..

An small excerpt of what femalepornaddict blogged …

Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry. Because of these the wrath of God is coming. You used to walk in these ways, in the life you once lived. But now you must rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips. Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices and put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator.” Colossians 3:5-10

…. to read more please click here.

Video: “A pastor’s Disclosure”

November 9, 2012 7 comments

Surfing for God

September 12, 2012 6 comments

Why Is A Book About Porn Addiction Called “Surfing for God”? 

Almost a century ago, G. K. Chesterton wrote that the man who knocks on the brothel door is knocking for God. If he were writing today, he might say that the man who surfs the web for porn is surfing for God. If nothing else, this truth means that sex is a signpost to God.

Maybe you’ve heard the saying that in a marriage the sexual relationship is a barometer for the relationship in general. When a husband and wife enjoy a healthy emotional, relational, and spiritual connection, most of the time good sex follows. In the same way, a man’s sexual appetite is a barometer for what’s going on inside his heart. A man’s sex drive consists of more than testosterone and the buildup of seminal fluid pressing for biological release, more than being visually stimulated and feeling aroused.

Sexual arousal is an accumulation of your experiences, deep needs, and unconscious beliefs. Your heart shares a deep connection to your body parts. The way you are sexually aroused reflects what’s happening deep in your soul. This is why the Apostle Paul wrote, “There’s more to sex than mere skin on skin. Sex is as much spiritual mystery as physical fact” (1 Cor 6:16 Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, “The two will become one flesh.”).

Want to hear more about this idea? You can get a free download of Surfing for God: Discovering the Divine Desire Beneath Sexual Struggle. Just visit www.nelsonfree.com/surfingforgod.

Dairy of a recovering addict – Jesus my strength

August 13, 2012 Leave a comment

On the journey to recovery, we meet every Tuesday at Nairobi West from 6.30pm – 8.30pm for the sexual addicts accountability group.

Most people think that recovering from an addiction is just a snap of the finger away. Well, I hate to burst your bubble, but recovering from an addiction, as I have realized, is one of the hardest battles one has to go through. In fact, to make it worse, it is a battle within which can lead anyone in their right senses crazy.

My recovery journey has been a 3 year journey of ups and downs from Jan 2010. One thing that has helped me is that I can run to God in confession and repentance and he can forgive me. I was however taught that repentance is turning 180 degrees from sin, you have to do this after confessing your sin. I thank God for giving me a good accountability relationship with a group of men, where I can be vulnerable. These guys are tough and have held me up when weak. They hold me accountable to everything I set as an action. I pray that you get such a group, a real group of friends, fearless and principled.

So, be encouraged if you are reading this, God’s grace is sufficient for you. He has the final say on your life. Just surrender to Him and ask for anything from Him in prayer. Remember, sexual sin has not power over you at all. What will it take for you to fight? A lost relationship? Lost job? Brokeness? Broken marriage? Act now man!!!

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James 1:12 Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.  You have been given the strength to do all things through Christ. Boast in Christ alone, boast in the cross as your only strength. This is a daily fight, wake up each morning and wear the full armor of God in prayer. If this life has anything to gain at all, I would count it all lost if I can’t hear my savior my strength. This is my solemn prayer for myself as well as you.

Affected by a person living in sin, in addiction, in sexual sin

July 17, 2012 9 comments

Hey, you, yeah you, please comment at the end, I need feedback on this…

Some of the most common issues I have had to deal with in the past are rather extra-ordinary. I have heard these, not from the person struggling, but from the people who they go to. All together, I thank God for exposing to me the extent of hurt that sin, more specifically sexual sin causes to those around us. For example;Image

  • a wife/girlfriend of an man who confesses sexual sin,
  • a friend or a girlfriend of a guy/girl who turns up to be a homosexual,
  • a guy who finds out that the wife/girlfriend is a addicted to sex.
  • a parent who identified a child with a weird sexual habit e.g. touching another girls/boys parts or masturbating
  • a parent/guardian/teacher who catches a child practicing voyeurism (fetish of seeing people naked)
  • a spouse to a partner who is confess/ caught committing adultery/fornication

How can someone deal with such? In the bible the book of John 8:1-10, Jesus was presented with such an individual; pharisees who caught an adulterous woman in the act. They tried to trick him to confess that she deserves punishment according to the Mosaic law in the old testament. However, Jesus, our Lord and saviour who gave us grace, told them that if any of them has never sinned let him/her stone the lady.  To our shock, most of them left one by one with the oldest going first.

What a powerful way of demonstrating that in God’s eyes all of us are sinners. It doesn’t matter whether it is a lie, a sexual lustful thought or sexual sin (all are sins), God’s love and grace, as shown to the adulterous woman, is enough to forgive us. As human beings, we magnify some sins above others based on our carnal minds forgetting that God’s standard of holiness is apart from us and can only be attained through Jesus Christ’ righteousness at the cross. God’s hates the sin not the sinner, he loves you and wants you to repent (confess and turn away from sin).

1 John 1:9

If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness

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From my short experience in dealing with sexual sinners, I have learnt several things;

  1. Never condemn the person who sins. Separate the person from the sin and walk with that person to the realization of who he/she is in Christ.
  2. Come down to that individuals level and understand what lead to them acting the way they did. May be they were exposed to the behavior by someone else and didn’t know any better when it happened
  3. Learn what God standard is and leave the example, by what you watch, listen to, speak, read, stand for. Impart that same standard through the word to the person gently.
  4. Help the person come up with an action plan by themselves and help them get accountability. If you can walk with the person through it. Ownership of accountability is on both partners, not one.
  5. Pray for the person and yourself for wisdom.

I praise God that someone, Pastor Chris Gatihi, took time to walk with me and impart the word of God, God’s standard in my heart where I have hidden it to stay pure.

Psalms 119:9-11

How can a young person stay on the path of purity?
    By living according to your word.
10 I seek you with all my heart;
    do not let me stray from your commands.
11 I have hidden your word in my heart
    that I might not sin against you.

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