Between Us Guys : The Truth About Pornography [video]

Amazing blog post. Please check it out.

Combat with porn is probably (still) the biggest issue Christian men wrestle with that no one talks about. Serious discussions about sexuality are embarrassing and uncomfortable. Too many churches are silent. And many are not proactive regarding faith-based sex education.

Lessons like this one can break the ice and be used to introduce a more comprehensive curriculum that is desperately needed in many Christian homes and churches. We can’t afford to become even more irrelevant and unconvincing in today’s rapidly changing culture.

Ref: Between Us Guys (Part 3): The Truth About Pornography .

Source: Darrell Martin and SameSexAttractions.wordpress.com

A great porn experiment – Damn this thing messes people up

Testifying at NPC Rongai – addiction recovery

Last weekend I visited a church, Nairobi Pentecostal Church – Rongai, where I was invited to share my testimony and encourage the congregation. I am glad that God chose such an unworthy vessel such as me to do his work. I give glory to Him, my deliverer, giver of life and my strength.

It was great to testify once again boldly professing God as my deliverer as this journey is not easy. He saved my spirit, he is transforming my mind each day and I believe that some day I shall be resurrected with Christ in his second coming.

So, just to give a highlight on the solution I have seen practically working in so many men. Fighting sexual sin as I have come to find out cannot be won in a short time. It is a journey and you need to fight one day at a time. If you have a problem with sexual sin;

1. the 1st step if to admit that you have a problem. Share with someone of the same gender who can pray with you, who will not condemn you and will continue to encourage you.
2. 2nd, accountability with this person is important. Each addicts story is unique. You have to know what makes you vulnerable and set resolutions for yourself that you will be held accountable to. No one will get you out other than by trusting God to help you through this and being accountable
3. Then engage the battle;

• Through your eyes – Starve your eyes and learn to bounce off everything sensual that arouses you. Memorise and use the word of God as a shield (when all is ok) and sword (during temptation). eg Job 31:1, Eph 5:2, Gal 2:20,
• Through your mind – Feed your mind daily with the word and pray. Learn to create a filter on what goes into your mind. It all starts with a thought.
• Through your heart – Fight for all that you value, your life in eternity, your children, your wife (present/future), your calling (job/in church)

I hope this helps someone out there.

For the wife who is hurt

Re-posted from http://pornographyaddictionblog.com/2012/04/05/for-the-wife-who-is-hurt/

This post is for the women who are enduring a husband or son or daughter and any other loved one who is into pornography or a sexual trap.
The biggest commandment in the Bible is to love God with all your mind heart and soul.  And the second is just like it:  And that is to love your neighbor as yourself.
So women, you get to love your husband or any one else when you discover that they are into pornography.  Love them yes.  Here is how you do it:

Have you ever had a fantasy in your mind that you are with a man that you find attractive?  Ever?  Be honest.  This man can be somebody at work or on TV or movies.  It does not matter where.  Do you fantasize romance with other men?  Have you ever?  May be another married man?  Have you fantasized this in the secret of your mind?
May be some co-worker?  Or the mail man?  Or someone at church who you think is not into pornography and in your subconscious mind you may think he is perfect?  Or better than your husband?
Do you have these fantasies?  Have you ever had them.  If you have or have had these fantasies, this is called pornography.  Jesus said get the beam out of your own eye first so you can help get the mote out of your brother’s eye.
No you say?  Praise God you have not been and do not have to battle this evil.  Now then . . . . . have you ever had any other type of addiction such as spending more than you make?  How about overeating?  Do you do that?  How about raising your voice and getting angry?
Look, all that I am saying is that if you want to really help your husband, take a good look at yourself first.  Yes he has hurt you.  Yes it hurts that he is looking a porn.  Yes, yes, yes..
But it is in these moments of hurt that you can make a decision.  A decision to be obedient to the biggest commandment to love your neighbor as yourself or not.
Your natural tendency may be to condemn, criticize, accuse, and blame your husband.  Now as I am writing this I can tell you that I love you even though I don’t know you.  So being obedient to the Word of God to love you as myself, I will tell you the following:  Are you ready?
If you blame, condemn, criticize and accuse your husband because of his pornography addiction, he is more likely to look at it and much more difficult for him to be set free.  This is the result of you bombarding him with your hurt.  Is this what you want?  Yes show him you are hurt but choose to love him while you are hurt.
Or do you not want a loving marriage?  You can have a loving marriage free of addictions if you choose to really love him in the midst of your hurt.
Forgive him.  Imitate God.  Jesus said that if don’t forgive, God won’t forgive you either.  Is this what you want?  Each of us blow it at times.
Your husband is more likely to come out of the addiction and be set free forever if you choose to really forgive him and love him.  Fight this evil together.  Get on his side.  Say something like “honey, what can I do to help you battle this?”  Be with him.
So……do you struggle with any sort of addiction?  Even if it is minor?  Be honest with yourself.  Now……get rid of it.  Get rid of overspending.  Stop overeating.  Stop raising your voice to your children.  Stop raising your voice to everyone.  Stop getting angry.  Stop having those negative thoughts.
Can you do this?  I just gave you some examples of things some people struggle with.  You know what you struggle with.  Can you just stop it?  Try it.  From now on be so loving even when others don’t do what you expect.  Don get mad or raise your voice.
If you think you can stop it, do it.  If you can’t quickly overcome this or any other thing that you struggle with, then you will understand your husband.

Jesus in The Bible says “love your neighbor as yourself”.  The ten commandments and any other law is in this commandment which first says to love God with all your mind heart and soul.
Love your neighbor as yourself.  Notice very carefully that Jesus did not qualify this statement.  He did not say love your neighbor as yourself only if they are not into pornography.
Or love them only if they don’t have a bad habit or addiction.  Jesus did not say love them only if they repent and once they repent then you can love them.  No, Jesus did not say that.  He said that the whole law, in other words, everything that the Bible is about is to love God and love one another.
God loves you so much that he sent Jesus to die on the Cross and give you everything.  He did not hold back anything.  He has given us peace, salvation, freedom, provision, healing and more.

Are you going to choose to imitate God or not?  If you choose to take a good look at anything you are struggling with, please get rid of that sin.  Then you will understand your husband.  Once you go through the process and find it very difficult to escape, then you will understand your husband.
You quit smoking.  You quit drinking.  Quit your bad habits and experience the struggle.  This way you are putting yourself in his shoes.
In my personal experience I will tell you that before God set me free from porn, I could not stand people who did things to hurt themselves.  Such as smoke, drugs, alcohol and so on.  But I was not seeing that I had a beam in my eye with pornography.
It was easy for me to point the finger and say something like “that idiot is smoking outside this building and I get to smell the smoke and smoking can kill him.  What an idiot”.
You see, I was not seeing the beam in my own eye but it was easy to see a mote in someone else.  I resented people who smoked or had other addictions.
However, it wasn’t until I had really tried to get out of porn addiction and found that I couldn’t, that I started having compassion for others with addiction.
I remember struggling to get our of porn and begging God to set me free but I was not free.  I begged, I cried, I did not want it.  “God, please take this away from me please” I would beg.  And I was not set free then.
Days went by and I was not set free.  Weeks went by and I was not set free.  Months went by and I was not set free.  “God why are you not removing this from me?  Why?  You want me to live with this for the rest of my life don’t you?”  I would think there was no way out of an addiction.

I had tried and given it all I had and come to the end of myself.  It was then…………that I started looking at addicts differently.  I was not condemning them any more.  Once I came out of a building and saw this guy that was smoking who looked stressed.
Instead of condemning him in my mind, I said to myself “may be he has tried or is trying to quit smoking and he can’t stop”.  Wow, I was having compassion for that person.  I started thinking that we are all the same in this world.
We all struggle with something and just because I overcame pornography by the Grace of God, does not mean in any way that I don’t struggle with other things.  I do, but I have compassion for myself and others and these are other trials I get to overcome by the Power of God.
Choose to forgive your husband.  Yes when you are the most hurt.  Right then.  Will you choose to do it?  Will you choose to do it?  Because chances are that he will come out of porn addiction quicker if you forgive him than if you blame him and condemn him.
What outcome do you want?  If you choose to forgive him, your health will improve.  There have been studies showing that your physical body gets healed when you forgive.  So by forgiving, you are probably saying goodbye to headaches, migraines, cancer, or any other decease.  Is this what you want?

Forgiveness is very healthy for your soul and for your physical body.  Is this what you want?  Or do you want to “be right” that your husband is wrong by being addicted to pornography?
Are you going to reject your husband?  If you do, this could lead to a lot of negative outcomes that you don’t want.  Separation, divorce, your suffering, his suffering, your kids suffering, other family member’s suffering.  The suffering is from now on and for many years to come.
Is this what you want?  If you choose to love your husband despite his addiction, you are choosing to love others who have done wrong things.  In other words, you are choosing to love your neighbor as yourself.
Is this what you want?  To be compassionate to others or do you want to continue to harden your heart?  Forgive unconditionally not just your husband but anyone else who has hurt you and continues to hurt you.  Forgiveness is for you to be free and for no one else.
Forgiveness is for you to be healthier.  Not someone else.

Please understand that everything I have said in this chapter does not mean that you should tolerate porn in your house and in your husband.  Porn is evil.  It hurts others.  Oppose it and resist it IN LOVE to your husband and violently in the spirit against that evil.

 

Love your husband and forgive him.  Pray and keep on praying.  You are in a battle with him weather you want it or not.  Weather you asked for it or not, you are in a battle together.  Pray woman.  Do not tolerate evil in you house.  Be loving towards your husband like God is loving to you and has forgiven you.
Then get mad to the evil in your house.  This is a spiritual warfare.  It is not a war against your husband but a war against unseen spiritual evil.  Which by the way, has already been defeated by Jesus.
You and your husband are victorious already.  So have faith that you have already overcome.  Trust in the unseen Jesus whose Holy Spirit dwells inside of you and your husband.  You can overcome.  Be patient and expect victory.

Meditate on Jesus all the time.

Pornography Addiction Cycle

The “acting out” (engaging in an activity that you consciously didn’t want to engage in) usually starts out with a trigger, which is interpreted by your brain at a subconscious level, and results in a strong emotion, such as excitement. Only then do you get a thought in your conscious brain! Remember it is written  “Do not conform to the standards of the world but be transformed by the renewal of your mind” 

Think about it! In our society, most of the people hold a belief that we are primarily motivated by our thinking. This, however, is not entirely true! In fact, as much as 90% of our daily behaviors are motivated by our subconscious brains. Reliance on a higher power, for me Jesus Christ has helped me renew my subconscious mind a lot.

To make things worse, once our body begins a chemical response, it overrides our cognitive ability. Meaning, we still are aware of what is going on, but unable to make an accurate, rational evaluation of our behavior and upcoming consequences.

Immediately after the internal chemical release, our body begins to change (we will talk more about it in upcoming sections). This really is our last line of defense.

The second thought is our last chance to realize what is happening and to take emergency actions to save ourselves (we will talk a lot more about this as well).

If we were not able to break the cycle, chances are we will end up giving in, and engaging in the behavior.

After the “acting out” part is complete, our brain goes off the auto-pilot, and we are back to our normal selves. This is when we are usually able to look at the situation logically, and realize what has happened.

A common reaction to this realization is to feel intense negative emotions, such as guilt and self-hatred. This approach, however, only strengthens our addiction. It keeps us from taking constructive action.

Remember, we do bad things, but we are not bad people!

Did you notice that I skipped one of the items on the list – vulnerable time? Mark Kastleman, founder of Candeo Can, came up with an acronym BLASTed, which stands for: Bored, Burned Out, Lonely, Anxious, Afraid, Angry, Stressed, and Tired.

Another acronym that is commonly used in the 12 steps community is HALT: Hungry, Angry, Lonely, and Tired.

During the vulnerable times, our conscious brain loses the ability to see things clearly. That is when our subconscious brain is more likely to take over. And we already know where this is going to take us.

You can avoid vulnerable times by beginning to take good care of yourself. Simple things like getting reading the word of God, praying, plenty of sleep, eating properly, drinking enough water, and journaling to de-clutter your brain can go a long way. In the future, we are going to talk a lot more about things that you can do to bring about peace and calmness into your life.

via Pornography Addiction Cycle.

Oh How He Loves Us – Teens

Oh How He Loves Us – Teens.

I was recently sharing with a friend about my struggles with pornography and she asked me a pretty basic question but it rocked me. She asked, “What is the biggest lesson you have learned since starting on this healing journey?” It took me a while to really pinpoint anything I have learned because it has been so easy for me to be blinded by the here and now and the fact that I still struggle. It is easier to look at my shortcomings and the fact that I continue to fall rather than what God is doing through my shortcomings and how He is redeeming it.

A little while later, I was talking to another friend about my struggle with self-worth that I have had ever since I can remember and how I have always tried to earn God’s love. Through this conversation, I learned the answer to the first question. The biggest lesson God has taught me through this all is that He loves me no matter what, even on the really crummy days. I can honestly say that I believe this. Yes, there are times that I can doubt it but I ultimately know that He loves me. This realization encouraged me so much and I had a new appreciation for this road I have been on over the last year and a half. God does not waste a hurt or a struggle and He is always there to provide a way out. Now, it is up to us to choose His way out but often times it is hard.

I have struggled for so long truly believing God loves, forgives and forgets but it has been through this painful, ugly process of my addiction that I have learned and started to believe the truth. This is fascinating to me as this is part of the reason my addiction started; I was searching for love and acceptance but in a very wrong way! One of my favorite scriptures is Jeremiah 31:3,
“…I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with loving-kindness”.

No matter what you have done or where you are at, God is lovingly and passionately pursuing you. He knows what is best for you and will do anything it takes to get you back. There is only so much hiding that can be done. Believe me, I have tried hiding from God and it does not work. He loves us too much and cares so deeply for us that He is not going to stop at anything to get to us.

Knowing and believing this has helped me on the journey toward healing. Knowing that God loves me no matter what has challenged me to stand firm and ‘just say no’. God has something so much better for me to fill my life and mind with. I have to trust that He has my best interest in heart because He loves me so much that He knows the intimate parts of me that I may not even be aware of.

I don’t know where you are on your journey but my prayer is that you would truly meditate on how much God loves you. His love is not based on what you have or haven’t done. He is a simple breath away and waiting for you. Reach out, even if you don’t feel worthy, and see what happens. I dare you. God has something so much bigger and better for you and your journey will take on a whole new meaning.

Ref: xxxchurch.com

Billy Graham’s Morning Prayer

BILLY GRAHAM

Current Age: 90

Truth………..from a man the media has never been able to throw dirt on…..amazing. He has certainly hit the “world” on the head!

Billy Graham’s Prayer For Our Nation

THIS MAN SURE HAS A GOOD VIEW OF WHAT’S HAPPENING TO OUR COUNTRY!

 

‘Heavenly Father, we come before you today to ask your forgiveness and to seek your direction and guidance. We know Your Word says, ‘Woe to those who call evil good, ‘ but that is exactly what we have done. We have lost our spiritual equilibrium and reversed our values… We have exploited the poor and called it the lottery. We have rewarded laziness and called it welfare. We have killed our unborn and called it choice. We have shot abortionists and called it justifiable. We have neglected to discipline our children and called it building self esteem… We have abused power and called it politics. We have coveted our neighbor’s possessions and called it ambition. We have polluted the air with profanity and pornography and called it freedom of expression. We have ridiculed the time-honored values of our forefathers and called it enlightenment. Search us, Oh God, and know our hearts today; cleanse us from every sin and Set us free. Amen!’

With the Lord’s help, may this prayer sweep over our nation and wholeheartedly become our desire so that we again can be called ‘One nation under God!’

Think about this: If you forward this prayer to everyone on your know, in less than 30 days it might be heard by the world. ‘One Nation Under God!’

Source:http://www.myharlingennews.com/?p=21683

Amazing XXXChurch

Yesterday, I visited the official site of Triple X Church xxxchurch.com. I was amazed at how God is moving in this ministry of Sexual Bondage and addiction. The founder Craig Gross started an online church which has ministered to many in the US and internationally. They explain some interesting reasons of this ministry on http://xxxchurch.com/whyporn/ The most amazing thing that has inspired me beyond words is the initiative Porn Sunday. This is the most fearlessly initiative I have ever heard of. Over 300 churches join in on a Sunday to have a sermon on Porn and its bad effects on people and the society. Whattttt?????? 300 churches all talking about Porn and its effects and giving solutions to thousands at the same time. Wooooww!! Oh God, grant this online ministry such favour in Africa.

I was amazed to see American football players confessing that Porn Addiction has also not spared them. The went through the X3Pure program and were able to come out strong from their bondage.

Just a bit more about it, X3pure is the first online, confidential, streaming-video solution for dealing with sexual addiction. This workshop provides you with the absolute fundamentals for understanding compulsive sexual behavior whether it is with masturbation, pornography use, extra-marital/pre-marital sex, strip clubs, or prostitutes. Easy to understand and accessible, this 30-day program can be logged onto from any Internet-connected computer at any time. Check it out at http://www.x3pure.com/

I have been seeking inspiration to come up with my own customised program so please keep me in prayer to stand strong in purity and to come up with a divine solution for this spiritual problem.

Dealing with Lust and burdening Sexual thoughts

Hi good people,

I haven’t blogged in quite sometime. February has been a tough month for me spiritually. It has been one of the lowest in a long time. I thank God for showing me that no man can come up with solutions to spiritual problems; It all belongs to Him. As I went through an e-Book “A GUY’S GUIDE TO MARRYING WELL” this month, I came a cross a rather profound statement:-

“From the moment a boy reaches puberty
until the day he is lowered into the ground,
Every man will struggle with lust.”

This caught my eye and I could not get it off my mind. It was a very discouraging but challenging statement. There is one thing you have to know as an addict or as a recovering sexual addict, sexual feelings will always be there. Sexual feelings are natural, meant for good and controllable, but lust is a state of mind that leads to sin and has to be dealt with. I went for a counselling session this Sunday and was reminded of some basics;

The Key to beat lust (just like any other sin) is to Surrender all those lustful thoughts to God. Let God through the Holy spirit deal with them for you. It’s not by strength nor might but by the spirit of God. When you get these thoughts, your body stops edifying God and worships the things of this world. So remember, understand your addiction before solving it. I recommend the mini-course on Candeo (www.candeocan.com). Look for the root cause and try to uproot it from there. For now;

1. Dispose off all the pornographic material you might have. Try get positive material and invest time to replace the
2. Kill communication to that girl or thing that drags you down. You have to decided, resolve to STOP today. I stopped so you can.
3. Plan a few days (2-3) to go on a purity journey even while at work or school; meditation in the word, prayer and fasting are advisable.
4. Make sure you have someone to walk with you through the tough journey, an accountability partner. Keeping it bundled up inside won’t help you at all. Confess your sins to each other and you will be saved. If you don’t have someone, contact an i-Stopped counsellor for help. Don’t suffer alone!
5. Remember to be accountable to yourself by constantly updating the person you choose to help you through this. Make sure you give him/her the key indicators of when you feel low and when you have fallen.
6. Live a life or purity through constant prayer for mercy and self control from the Holy Spirit. We have all sinned and fallen short of the glory of God.

I got an encouraging word this morning from a friend, In your heart set apart Chist as Lord. 1 Peter 3:15. I can tell you from experience that you can do it. Trust in the Lord and don’t lean on your own understanding or solution. The Holy Spirit will help you, will work in you and will bring you to maturity in Christ.

Key #4: How to Break Free from sexual bondage

• Running from your fears only intensifies them—you must face your fears to overcome them. 
• To break out of your OCD Cycle, use “Face-it (Recognize you are entering the cycle through addictive behavior), Replace-it (Acknowledge the true meaning of what is happening and what you really want to do in your life), Connect (Talk to a live person to bring you back to reality).”
• Consistently use Scheduled and Real-Life Practice to rebuild your brain and create new healthy circuitry.
• Record your Temptations and Statements of Truth in your own voice and then listen to them every chance you have.
• Adding “Connect” as a third step to your Real-Life Practice will greatly accelerate your journey to freedom from addiction. www.candeocan.com

John 15 says “¹“I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. ²He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes^[a] so that it will be even more fruitful. ³You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. ⁴Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.”

God will help you as you FACE IT, REPLACE IT AND CONNECT.  He will place the right people in your path who will stand with you in times of need, an accountability/prayer partner, he will make your path clear and create a way out of all your temptations.

Please post your comments and feedback about the blog.

God bless you people.